August 2021 marked the first anniversary of our family. I spent the entire month as a “single parent” navigating the first day of school for a junior, freshman, 7th grader and kindergartener. Somewhere in there I managed to squeeze in dropping off my oldest for her first year of college. I also started up classes as a Let’s Play Music teacher. Without Tim. He was navigating his first business trip as a new(ish) employee at Samsung.
We managed. Though I’d have to say that I thought that by the time I’d reached this stage of parenting, I honestly thought I’d have it down somewhat. Silly me. There’s a pesky little thing called agency that keeps me from churning out little clones that do exactly as I ask them. (And no, that isn’t really what I’d hoped for or expected as a parent but I’d be lying if I said parenting strong-willed children has been a dream come true.)
Kids leaving the nest has been something Tim has dreamed of since our first child was born and he was “replaced”.
Me? Well, I had mixed feelings. I felt Anna had plateaued while living under our roof. I anticipated the growth that would come as she was compelled to do things for herself that she had comfortably enjoyed me doing for eighteen years. Each child is different, you know? While some can’t wait to free themselves from the clutch of controlling parents (Lily), others harbor serious anxieties about independence.
One style isn’t necessarily better than the other. I love that Anna recognizes all that we do for her and that she trusts our judgment on weighty matters. But it comes with a slight lack of confidence in oneself. I hoped that she’d thrive in an environment that forced her to develop confidence in the areas she’d struggled with throughout her youth.
And she did! Depending on what one means by “thriving”, anyway. Gosh, it was rough for my introverted perfectionist. Eating dinner alone in the cafeteria. Getting sick and having no one to care for her. Struggling to meet people with whom she connected. Navigating the much-elevated academic requirements of college-level courses.
Yep, it was pretty much all hard. Which is exactly what this mean parent wanted for her.
The whole experience really caused me to reflect on our experience here on earth. We receive nurturing from loving heavenly parents for a time. At some point, we reach a stage at which we can no longer progress by their sides. So we choose an earthly probation to help us learn lessons we are simply unable to learn otherwise. Earth life is rough sometimes. We have help, but sometimes it feels distant.
And yet, when we look back at what we’ve become through all the challenges, we realize just what a blessing it all is! Living, learning, growing, progressing.
Becoming.
Meanwhile, the rest of us adjusted to life with Anna living five hours away. Lily loved getting her own room. We took a few little road trips, feeling somewhat guilty that we were making memories without Anna. But we got used to it. And when we started missing her a little extra, we arranged for a quick visit home. Or we bought tickets to her choir concert as an excuse to visit her in Utah.
Still a family of seven. This time with three adults instead of just two.