Charts and systems

Family Home Evening Pie Chart.

It became readily apparent in recent months that our approach to teaching our children the gospel of Jesus Christ in our homes was going over the head of our three-year-old. Our daily scripture study involved reading a chapter from the Book of Mormon each night. Occasionally, Jack would ask to “read” with us, but mostly he preferred jumping on the couch or throwing balls in our faces.

I consoled myself with the fact that four of our five children were “getting it” to some extent and left it at that.

Family Home Evening – our weekly gospel study session – was a different story. When our other kids were little, we made sure lessons were age-appropriate. We used lots of pictures, object lessons, simple stories and music to approach teaching important truths and principles.

As the kids have gotten older, the topics of Family Home Evening and the methodology used to discuss them graduated to a more in-depth level. This past year, we decided to watch and discuss a talk from the most recent general conference. Which worked great for the older kids. Jack, not so much.

I determined that a brief lesson designed just for Jack needed to be incorporated into our Family Home Evening routine. We started last week. Eve taught an adorable lesson on Noah and the ark, complete with pictures and music.

From here on out, we will take turns preparing a short lesson for Jack as well as discuss a general conference talk.

Of course, that meant revamping our tried and true FHE pie chart. Here’s how it looks now:

If this is something you could use, feel free to use this printable version.

You don’t need a housekeeper. You’ve got kids.

Yes, I realize that to some, this idea might seem foolish. After all, entropy exists in all spaces that kids inhabit. Messes and children are practically synonymous.

However, it IS possible to keep a clean house that houses children without hiring a housekeeper (or doing it all yourself). I promise. I have five little (and not so little) munchkins. I gave up dreams of a perfect house long ago – but I can also assure you that my house ranks reasonably high in the “tidy” factor.

How do I do it? Why slave labor, of course. (At least that’s what my kids might call it). I refer to it as “earning your keep”. Nothing comes for free in this house.

Sure, I’m obligated to feed, clothe, love and teach you, and part of that teaching demands that you learn to clean up after yourselves. I’ve blogged about it before. As a review, the basic rundown is this:

  1. Self-maintenance chores: These include tidying your own spaces (bedroom, primarily), picking up after yourself in common areas, and other such things that are age-appropriate such as packing your own lunch for school, brushing your teeth, doing laundry, etc. As a child gets older, self-maintenance chores increase in number, as do his/her privileges. My kids are not paid for these chores – they are regarded as an opportunity to learn independence.
  2. Family chores: These are responsibilities outlined on a chore chart. They benefit the entire family and apply to spaces occupied/used by everyone in the family. They include things like cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, etc. I break them down into smaller tasks to trick their minds into thinking they’re doing less work. And it works! Though the kids don’t earn money for each specific chore, their “allowance” is contingent upon satisfactory completion of them on a weekly basis.
  3. Paid chores: I assign these on an as-needed basis. I pretty much always have extra work available, if the kids want to earn a little cash on the side. My personal favorites (in other words, the chores I tend to neglect): sorting socks, shredding paper bills and statements, cleaning windows, and dusting blinds.

Since we added an extra 700 square feet onto our house in 2018, Tim and I determined that we needed to reconfigure our chore chart a bit to accommodate the extra space. (And to keep me from having to do the legwork). Because, hello, I am a homemaker, not everyone’s personal maid.

Here’s the new chore chart.

It looks about the same as the old chore chart (to trick the kiddos into thinking nothing has changed, of course) but it accounts for the new bathroom, the extra living space downstairs, and the bonus room.

We do all these chores on a Friday afternoon, and, I kid you not, each of my daughters only has to do about 30-45 minutes of work (in addition to cleaning their rooms) and the house is immaculate. Almost.

Seriously, don’t hire a housekeeper. Put those kids to work. It’s their house, too. They need to feel some ownership and responsibility. That is best accomplished with good old-fashioned elbow grease.

A new approach to goal-setting.

Out with the old, in with the new.  My new approach to goal-setting.

Experienced organizers recommend never buying something new without throwing something out.  Acknowledging that this is a first-world problem, I agree whole-heartedly with this advice.  I consistently comb through my closets and drawers, discarding items sitting relatively unused.  Clutter weighs us down.

If stuff is crowding out our lives, we would do well to have less stuff.  Take one look at my garage and you’d have a hard time believing I feel this way but, after all, I share a house with six other humans, only a few of whom appreciate decluttering as I do.  #2018goals

The same principle applies to our time.  Perhaps it’s even more critical to “declutter” when it comes to time because it is a finite resource.  My four-car garage can host an infinite supply of junk but each of us only has 24 hours in each day.  Certainly we all seek to use it wisely.  But we don’t.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery (author of beloved story The Little Prince) wrote: “Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing left to take away.”

In other words, we improve our lives not just by adding in wholesome pursuits but by ridding ourselves of the less-worthwhile ways in which we spend our time.  Sometimes it takes a lot of pondering to achieve this.  It’s not as if most of us are wasting our lives away in riotous living.  I can safely say that anyone who even attempts setting goals is likely at the point of life where he/she must discard some of the “good” things in life for those that are “better” or “best”.

So this is my new approach to goal-setting this year: Out with the old, in with the new.  Not just new…better.

First, I began by brainstorming a few of the things I want to be.  Once I identify what I want to become, I can better evaluate my goals to ensure that they are contributing to that end.

Second, I evaluated what I could do to simplify my life, to buy me more time to accomplish new goals.  I didn’t write this one down, but I was recently released as the Young Women President in our ward.  I LOVED working with the young women in our congregation but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t monopolize my every waking hour.  With a new, less demanding calling, I suddenly have time to do the things I’ve put off for the last three years.  Happy New Year to me!

Sometimes we have to dig deep to find ways to simplify our lives.  Occasionally, the sacrifices are painful.  One year, our family eliminated all extra-curricular activities.  It was a risky move because all of our kids were progressing in various sports and activities.  But we experienced the benefits we anticipated and then some.  Totally worth it.

Next, I set some measurable goals and categorized them into daily, weekly, monthly and annual goals.  I kept my “what I want to be” sheet handy so I could make sure that each of my goals fit in those parameters.  Most people recommended limiting your goals to 7-10 at a time so that success is more attainable.  I have a few more than that, but since there’s a bit of crossover in the long-term aim of those goals, I’m calling it good.

Every month, I intend to map out the specifics of my goals onto a worksheet that I can display.  For instance, for my annual goal of reading twenty books, I will pick out the exact titles of two books for that month.  Or, for my goal of inviting 1-2 families over for dinner one Sunday a month, I will pick out the specific families to invite.  When possible, I will put it on the calendar.  Otherwise it won’t happen, let’s be honest.  By doing this, I am regrouping on a monthly basis to stay consistent on working toward my goals.  AND, I’m allowing for inspiration and flexibility in the specifics of those goals to ensure that the means meet the ends.  Here’s my worksheet for January:

I intend to display these on a bulletin board in my room as a constant reminder of what I’m trying to accomplish.  Each month’s page has a quote about goal-setting to inspire me to press on.  Between that and google calendar, I should have no trouble remembering.  Right?

I also have a chart for daily goals that will help me keep track of how well I’m keeping up on those.

If any of these methods resonate with you, feel free to use my Goal-Setting worksheets.

Today’s win in teaching kids financial independence.

Most days it’s easy to feel inadequate as a mom.  I am well aware that I fall short in SO many areas.  I try not to beat myself up about my shortcomings but instead set goals to improve.  Other days I am on top of the world because I can see my strengths clearly.  And, I can see how those strengths are being passed onto my children.

One of those strengths is financial independence.  That probably sounds funny coming from a mom who is completely dependent on her husband for all temporal needs.  Although Tim brings home the bacon, I make sure we aren’t throwing it away.  And I do a pretty good job at it.

So it stands to reason that I would hope to impart some of that prudence in financial matters to my children.

Kids definitely come out of the womb a certain way, though.  Of my four daughters, I can easily identify the miser, the spendthrift, the coveter, and the industrious one.  While accepting their innate differences, it is my job to shape them into successful humans so I start early in helping them learn financial independence.

So imagine my joy today when my oldest (who is fourteen) creates a flyer to advertise piano lessons then asks which of my friends might have interest in signing their kids up for said lessons.  Music to my ears – pun intended.

Why is this such a breakthrough?  Because I’ve been grappling with how to get this very daughter (the miser of the bunch) to discover that she needs money – more than we provide, that is.  I was starting to wonder if, despite our best efforts, we were actually spoiling her.

As parents, we’ve done a lot to create a solid foundation in financial matters.   First and foremost, we’ve tried to model financial savvyness.  And, we’ve included them in deciding what “extras” they would like to forego to make room in the budget for other “extras”.  For instance, our last family vacation was an inexpensive nine-day camping trip to make a long-distance trip this summer possible.

We also began early, by not giving into the “gimmes” during every shopping excursion.  We’d politely remind our children that they could always ask for those items (that they absolutely could not live without at that particular moment) for birthdays or Christmas.  Or pay for them with their own money.

We built upon that by providing opportunities for the kids to help out around the house.   They earned a somewhat meager allowance with which to purchase “wants” and had ample opportunities to increase that income through additional chores.

We created milestones at different ages, ones that force them to consider the cost of the things they might take for granted.  For instance, at age 13, each child opens a checking account and is provided with an allocated amount (deposited quarterly).   They use this budget to pay for clothing, primarily, but also birthday gifts for friends, outings with their buddies, etc.

It hasn’t been easy to tell our kids “no” as often as we have.  Keeping up with the Joneses is a huge temptation when your kids are constantly reminding you of all the things their friends have that they don’t.   (I never fall for that argument anyway because I doubt the veracity of it).

I can easily console myself with the paid-off mortgage, a growing retirement fund, and ample college savings accounts.  But I’d be lying if I said that the buffetings of kids’ complaints and the restraint of making them “want” for things has always been easy.  Some days I just want them to thank me for being the prudent mom I am, for making them work to obtain the things they claim other kids’ parents give them without anything in return.

They haven’t thanked me yet.  And I expect they will continue to ogle the possessions of others with a bit of envy.  But, underneath it all, they’re learning.

For Anna, I think the kicker came this year when her friends invited her on excursions for which she asked me for spending money.  Each time I reminded her that she has a budget for those sorts of things and that if she feels it’s not quite enough, she can always find a way to earn more money.

Every time I gave the kids a list of household chores for which I would pay them, I couldn’t help but be disappointed when none(or just one) of them took me up on the offer.  Yet each time I had to say no when my kids would ask for something they “really, really” wanted, I was more than happy to remind them that they had turned down the opportunity to earn extra cash.

Our children aren’t going to become industrious creatures unless they see a need.  And the trouble with having an ample income is that it is so easy to meet all their needs.  Because we can!  But we shouldn’t.

Someday they are going to be on their own (Tim will make sure of it – no basement-dwelling young adults in this house!).  I hope to not do them a disservice by lavishing them with unnecessary stuff just because we can.

And today I saw some real fruits that what we’re doing is working.  Maybe we’re doing something right after all.

 

Click here for a printable list of tips to teach kids financial literacy.

Summer survival.

I always look forward to summer.  I get all starry-eyed just dreaming about having my kids all to myself, working on projects together, horsing around in between, exploring the town, building relationships and learning new things…

Well, we ALL know that’s not typically how it plays out.  Within a few days(it was within a few hours last year), the kids don’t know what to do with all their spare time so they start bickering with one another, begging mom for screen time, or to play another round of Battleship(with mom, and no one to look after the baby) or if they can invite a friend over (again), or to go grab Happy Hour slushies at Sonic for the nth time that week.

It’s all we can do to keep our sanity.  Everyone has their tips and tricks.  Not all of them work for everyone.  But here are a few tips for summer survival that work for me and my family:

  1.  Expect your kids to get up at a regular time.  There’s nothing that makes kids feel more like slugs (and act like them) than not maintaining some sort of sleep schedule.  It’s lights out by 9:30 at our house, even though it’s still light outside until 10:30.   Then they’re up for breakfast by 8:00 in the morning.  This is late enough that they get ample sleep and I still wake up well before them and fit in a workout, shower and breakfast prep(and occasionally more).
  2. Screen time is contingent upon meeting certain requirements.  Ours include morning chores, piano practice, outside/exercise time, scripture study and prayer, personal study time to prevent “summer slide”, and service to others.  Even after all of that is done, they must still wait until at least 1:30 to indulge in screen time.  Which they do.  For about two hours… so that I can get some peace and quiet around here. Click here for printable (and editable) “Have you…” form
  3. Work some sort of structure into your week to keep it fun.  We have “Make it Monday”, “Take it outside Tuesday”, “Work Wednesday”, “Thinking Thursday”, and “Friend Friday”.  The focus for each day ensures that we schedule something every day that falls into the category for that day.  For instance, baking on Monday, a hike on Tuesday, an extra home project or service on Wednesday, an educational outing or project on Thursday and a special outing or play date with friends on Friday.  That doesn’t mean that they can only play with friends on Friday, or that we only get outside on Tuesday; just gives us a guideline so we are keeping ourselves busy and fulfilled.  To top it off, I made a list of ideas of things to do, ways to serve, etc. as a guide for the not-so-littles.
  4. Teach your kids skills while you have them home.  My kids can count on sewing at least one thing with mom and planning, shopping for and preparing dinner for two weeks apiece during the summer.  We put this on the schedule as well, naturally.
  5. Refrain from signing your kids up for countless activities.  We mistakenly think this will keep them engaged and out of our hair.  I have found it cuts into our day and runs us all ragged.  Not to mention, it’s costly.  Three of my four girls were able to sign up for a single 3-5 day summer camp of their choice, two of which coincide so all that chauffeuring is benefiting more than just one child.  There’s something to be said for the “lazy days of summer” (after they’ve gotten their “to-dos” done, of course).
  6. Don’t be afraid to let your kids be bored. It does not make you a bad mom to not provide round-the-clock stimulation for your kids.  When my kid complains she’s bored, my first reply is, “Great! That means you get to use that awesome brain of yours to think of something to do.”  If she complains again, the reply changes to, “Well, I’ve got plenty of ideas…” and out rolls a list of chores.  My kids don’t proclaim boredom anymore.

No summer is perfect.  I’ve been at this for years and finally figured out what worked for us about three summers ago. With a healthy balance of structure, idle time, and flexibility (and VACATION!) any family can enjoy the summer of their dreams.

Teaching your kids about money-for cheapskate parents.

As expressed in a previous post about our family chore system, you may have discovered that our kids don’t get a whole lot of spending money for being part of our family.  Fortunately, we live in Idaho, where the cost of living is reasonable, so they don’t need a ton of cash to survive.

Wait a second.  My kids don’t pay rent, they don’t buy groceries.  Until age 13, they don’t even buy their own clothes.  Every dime they earn is disposable income.  Why on earth would they need more than a few dollars a month in spending money?  It’s more than enough to buy their weight in candy every once in a while.  Cause we all know that’s what they’ll be spending it on.

Don’t blame the cost of living in California for the outrageous allowance you’re forking out.  Be realistic.

Ask yourself why you’re giving your kids money.  To demonstrate that hard work yields monetary rewards?  To learn how to spend and save wisely?  Those are my top reasons.

Do either of those reasons support breaking the bank to pay out their allowance?  No.  In fact, it might be counterproductive.  You see, scarcity requires discipline.  If your children are swimming in money and lack any sort of real-world allocations for that money(rent, gas, clothes, etc.), you’d just as soon not give them much of it.  Otherwise they’ll be sorely disappointed when they go off on their own at 18 and come to find out that there’s not much leftover for their daily Starbucks habit after the bills are paid.  (Unless you intend to pay all their bills, in which case, you’ve got even bigger problems and I can’t help you with those).

Your job is to prepare them to stand on their own two feet when you kick them out of they leave the house.  Here’s what we’re doing.  And crossing our fingers that it works.

  1.  Teaching them to work.  This includes service in our home, church and community, but it must also include paid work so they understand the principle behind earning a paycheck.  See our chore system for details.
  2. Pay tithing.  We believe that everything we have comes from God.  Paying a tenth of our earnings to Him demonstrates faith and gratitude for the multitude of blessings we enjoy.  As a bonus, it also helps us keep our priorities straight when determining how to use the rest.
  3. Sock away a healthy chunk of it.  40% of every cent my kids earn goes into a savings account, not to be touched until they are pursuing higher education.  (When I was little, my parents had us save 20%, which was admirable, but I personally think it needs to hurt a bit more for it to become a habit).
  4. Provide a matching program.  My kids get to do pretty much whatever they want with the remaining 50% of the earnings.  However, my husband and I provide an extra incentive for them to save more by matching whatever they put into savings dollar for dollar.  Keep in mind, we do not match the required 40% savings.  Only what they deposit of their spending money.  So, if Eve gets paid $10, she will pay $1 tithing, $4 in savings and have $5 leftover to spend.  She decides to save an additional $2 of her spending money, so we match it, $4 more goes into savings and she is left with $3 to spend.  It’s a pretty sweet system and you can tell by their account balances who are the spenders and who are the savers.  Strangely, there is a direct correlation with hair color.
  5. Give your kids age-appropriate financial responsibilities.  Start small and increase their allowance to provide for said responsibilities.  For instance, at age ten, you might increase a child’s income a tad so that they can start paying for birthday presents when they get invited to parties.  In our family, at age thirteen, you get to open a checking account (to which we make a deposit quarterly) and start buying your own clothes.  Incidentally, this also benefits me because I will never have to go clothes shopping with a teenager.  In theory.  Once you get a driver’s license, you can start paying for gas, car maintenance, insurance, or all of the above.

This plan will look a bit different for each family, but the core principles are sound.  Give your children a leg up when they leave the nest  by giving them experience in the world of financial literacy.  Unless you want them sleeping on your couch until kingdom come.  If so, then, by all means, carry on.  Carry on.

Click here for a free printable on teaching financial literacy to your kids.

Our family chore system defined.

A family chore system that has worked for seven years running.

I was just talking to a friend tonight who just had just gotten back from a visit with extended family.   Someone in that family had made mention of the cleaning service they employ on a regular basis, a subject with which my friend’s daughter was unacquainted so she asked her cousin, “Cleaning service, what’s that?”

To which her cousin replied, “Wait.  You mean you guys don’t have someone come clean your house?”

“Um, no we clean it,” was her response.  Later that day she thanked her mom for teaching them to work around the house.

Now, I realize that very few people who hire outside help to maintain a household fail to teach their kids to participate in chores.  Still, the important thing to remember is that our kids are best served when they feel a sense of ownership and responsibility.  Which is most easily acquired as they care for their living environment.  Here’s where the family chore chart comes in.

(Disclaimer: results may vary and there should be no, I repeat, NO expectation that your offspring will thank you for your efforts to shape and mold them into contributing human beings).

Chore charts come in all shapes and sizes.  I’m sure we tried every single one of them before finally settling on what worked for our family.  It looks a bit like this:

The first part are self-maintenance chores – things like brushing your teeth, making your lunch, cleaning your room, etc.  These are daily responsibilities which must happen BEFORE any playtime can happen or special requests made.  At the end of the day, if each of the children completed all their tasks without a bajillion reminders, they get a big magnet.  If they completed them with a bit of arm-twisting, they get a medium magnet.  A small magnet if they didn’t care enough to try.

At the end of the week we tally up their score and award one token per point they earn – big magnets are worth +1, medium = 0 and a small magnet gets you -1.  Sunday is our day of rest so they can earn up to 6 tokens per week.  Which pretty much never happens, but we don’t demand perfection around here.

Tokens can be traded in for rewards including screen time (because yeah, there’s no such thing as free screen time on weekdays around here), extra dates with mom or dad, and other fancy stuff like yarn or coloring books or candy.  The beautiful part is it actually works – we’re going on seven years of rockin’ this system so I’m calling it a keeper.  And all for the low price of a magnetic whiteboard calendar, colored magnets and a fancy shmancy Excel spreadsheet assembled by yours truly.

Do they get paid for any of these chores?  Not exactly, unless you consider tokens valuable currency.  These are just expectations for being part of the family, living here rent-free and enjoying all the other perks(dance lessons, sports teams, and the like) that would otherwise feel like entitlements.

Self-maintenance does not keep an entire house clean, you say?  You’re absolutely right.  Enter part two of our beloved chore system: the family chores.

chore chart

We post this laminated spreadsheet to our refrigerator and rotate chores every month.  Each kid gets a number and everything associated with that number for that particular month.  The first two rows are daily chores and the rest are done once a week on Fridays.  During the summer we add a few responsibilities, including outside chores on Saturdays but this is how we get the job done, in a nutshell.

The beauty of this is two-fold:

  1.  Each kid gets an entire month to perfect their form on a particular task.
  2. They can’t really complain about so-and-so doing more or less than they, because eventually they will ALL get a turn with the less-desirable tasks.

As a side note, I try to even the chores out so that no one can justifiably lament having to do one set of chores over another.  For instance, pretty much all of the kids despise being number 2, when it comes to sweeping the kitchen floor after dinner every day.  But, when Friday rolls around and number 2’s  weekly chores don’t involve scrubbing any toilets, they are thanking their lucky stars.  Everyone’s happy.  As much as one can be while dealing with dirt.

If you want to tailor this chart to your own family needs, feel free to use this template.  It’s a jpg so you can print itat any size you please.

Still, we do provide an allowance,  An allowance which is paid monthly and which is loosely(okay, strictly) tied to the completion of one’s weekly chores.  They get $1 per year of age, so $12 for a twelve-year-old.  They are paid on the first Friday of the month (if they complete their chores, that is).  Each Friday thereafter, they can earn bonus bucks – $1 the second week they complete their chores on time, $2 the third week, $3 the fourth week, and $4 if they’re lucky enough to have five Fridays that particular month.  We like the incremental way of paying them because it makes each week count.

For instance, let’s say 12-year-old Joe completes his chores on the first Friday of February, doesn’t on the second week, and then finishes off the month with two weeks in a row of completed tasks.  He would receive $12 for the first week (nothing for the second week), then $1 for the next week and $2 for the last for a grand total of $15 that month.  If he had completed his chores all four weeks of the month he would have gotten $12 for the first week, $1 for the second, $2 for the third, and $3 for the fourth.  In a four-week month, his maximum potential earnings are $18.  Consistency pays off.

If anyone wants to do anything above and beyond self-maintenance chores and family chores, we have paid chores.  These include things like washing windows, cleaning the car, or scrubbing down mom and dad’s shower, my personal favorite.

Self-maintenance chores.  Family chores.  Paid chores.  Got it?  It’s a thing of beauty, I tell you.