For such a time as this.

Hindsight is truly 20/20.  Usually that expression is used to denote a bit of regret at decisions that perspective would have prevented.  Today, for me, it is an expression of gratitude at all the experiences I have had that have prepared me for what I am going through right now.  We cannot understand the full effect of life’s experiences until we can look back on them and their influence on today’s.

Four years ago, when Tim and I decided we wanted to have another baby, we fully expected to get pregnant within a couple of months as I had with my four girls.  Miscarriage was not even on our radar.  Our expectations completely shifted after 9 months of menstrual cycle after menstrual cycle and then 5 miscarriages within a 2 1/2 year period.  

Just like that, our lives changed forever.

Less than a week ago I was gearing up for a return to “normal”.  Less than a week ago the biggest challenge in my life was the grief I was suffering from not being able to breastfeed.  Now that seems like chump change.  I don’t mean to minimize breastfeeding struggles, they send me plummeting into the depths of postpartum depression – read more here about how I feel when breastfeeding doesn’t work out.  Still, breastfeeding issues seem trivial in comparison to the happenings of recent days in our family..

This past Sunday I returned to church for the first time since Jack entered the world.  He was exactly a month old, I had missed attending with my family, I was geared up to teach a lesson in Young Women.