Most days it’s easy to feel inadequate as a mom. I am well aware that I fall short in SO many areas. I try not to beat myself up about my shortcomings but instead set goals to improve. Other days I am on top of the world because I can see my strengths clearly. And, I can see how those strengths are being passed onto my children.
One of those strengths is financial independence. That probably sounds funny coming from a mom who is completely dependent on her husband for all temporal needs. Although Tim brings home the bacon, I make sure we aren’t throwing it away. And I do a pretty good job at it.
So it stands to reason that I would hope to impart some of that prudence in financial matters to my children.
Kids definitely come out of the womb a certain way, though. Of my four daughters, I can easily identify the miser, the spendthrift, the coveter, and the industrious one. While accepting their innate differences, it is my job to shape them into successful humans so I start early in helping them learn financial independence.
So imagine my joy today when my oldest (who is fourteen) creates a flyer to advertise piano lessons then asks which of my friends might have interest in signing their kids up for said lessons. Music to my ears – pun intended.
Why is this such a breakthrough? Because I’ve been grappling with how to get this very daughter (the miser of the bunch) to discover that she needs money – more than we provide, that is. I was starting to wonder if, despite our best efforts, we were actually spoiling her.
As parents, we’ve done a lot to create a solid foundation in financial matters. First and foremost, we’ve tried to model financial savvyness. And, we’ve included them in deciding what “extras” they would like to forego to make room in the budget for other “extras”. For instance, our last family vacation was an inexpensive nine-day camping trip to make a long-distance trip this summer possible.
We also began early, by not giving into the “gimmes” during every shopping excursion. We’d politely remind our children that they could always ask for those items (that they absolutely could not live without at that particular moment) for birthdays or Christmas. Or pay for them with their own money.
We built upon that by providing opportunities for the kids to help out around the house. They earned a somewhat meager allowance with which to purchase “wants” and had ample opportunities to increase that income through additional chores.
We created milestones at different ages, ones that force them to consider the cost of the things they might take for granted. For instance, at age 13, each child opens a checking account and is provided with an allocated amount (deposited quarterly). They use this budget to pay for clothing, primarily, but also birthday gifts for friends, outings with their buddies, etc.
It hasn’t been easy to tell our kids “no” as often as we have. Keeping up with the Joneses is a huge temptation when your kids are constantly reminding you of all the things their friends have that they don’t. (I never fall for that argument anyway because I doubt the veracity of it).
I can easily console myself with the paid-off mortgage, a growing retirement fund, and ample college savings accounts. But I’d be lying if I said that the buffetings of kids’ complaints and the restraint of making them “want” for things has always been easy. Some days I just want them to thank me for being the prudent mom I am, for making them work to obtain the things they claim other kids’ parents give them without anything in return.
They haven’t thanked me yet. And I expect they will continue to ogle the possessions of others with a bit of envy. But, underneath it all, they’re learning.
For Anna, I think the kicker came this year when her friends invited her on excursions for which she asked me for spending money. Each time I reminded her that she has a budget for those sorts of things and that if she feels it’s not quite enough, she can always find a way to earn more money.
Every time I gave the kids a list of household chores for which I would pay them, I couldn’t help but be disappointed when none(or just one) of them took me up on the offer. Yet each time I had to say no when my kids would ask for something they “really, really” wanted, I was more than happy to remind them that they had turned down the opportunity to earn extra cash.
Our children aren’t going to become industrious creatures unless they see a need. And the trouble with having an ample income is that it is so easy to meet all their needs. Because we can! But we shouldn’t.
Someday they are going to be on their own (Tim will make sure of it – no basement-dwelling young adults in this house!). I hope to not do them a disservice by lavishing them with unnecessary stuff just because we can.
And today I saw some real fruits that what we’re doing is working. Maybe we’re doing something right after all.
Click here for a printable list of tips to teach kids financial literacy.
